When I Don't Understand... I Must Continue to Walk by Faith

I received the news this morning that my Grandma went to be with the Lord at 8:30am. My parents were able to get a hold of me last night. It was a difficult 24-hours for me out here obviously. It feels like a nightmare! I keep thinking I will wake up and all of this was a dream! Samoa and my Grandma and everything. I close my eyes and open them again to see that I am wrong. This is reality. There is nothing I can do to change it. I am reminded that God's plans are better than I will ever know and I don't need to understand. It just hurts so much!!! But.....that's exactly what sin (which brought death) does. It hurts. And yet I must work through it.

I had the option of going home to be with my family. But after much prayer and talking to both my Dad and the leader (Tyler) of my team here I agreed with them that there are no accidents with God. I may want to be with my family, but God is my ultimate comfort and strength. He planned for me to be here right now at this time to do His work. And there is so much work to be done! There are so many lost souls here! So many children who need love and adults who need help. So much manual labor waiting to be done, lessons waiting to be learned and prayers waiting to be prayed. It doesn't matter if it's enjoyable or not. It doesn't matter if it feels like I'm banging my head against a wall somedays or if I never see fruit from it, I am simply called to trust and obey. HAPPINESS IS NOT THE GOAL. GOD'S GLORY IS.

I didn't teach today. My team was wonderful and took over my classes so that I could have the day to reflect and pray. I found great peace in the Psalms. A friend of mine told me to read Psalms 88:1-2 which reads, "O Lord, the God of my salvation, I have cried out by day and in the night before You. Let my prayer come before You; Incline your ear to my cry." Also one chapter over I read, "The heavens will praise Your wonders, O Lord; Your faithfulness also in the assembly of the holy ones. For who in the skies is comparable to the Lord? Who among the sons of the mighty is like the Lord, A God greatly feared in the council of the holy ones, And awesome above all those who are around Him? O Lord God of hosts, who is like You, O mighty Lord? Your faithfulness also surrounds You. You rule the swelling of the sea; When its waves rise, you still them."

I especially appreciated that last verse because I spent several hours last night just walking along the beach, praying and watching the waves continuously wash up onto the shore. No matter how much my heart aches, God is in control. He is there. He has a plan. He truly is greatly to be praised!! And I am fully commited to trusting Him. This has been one of the toughest times of my life but I know I serve the God of the universe who hears me when I cry. He wont leave me alone. He works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). I am reminded that it's okay to not understand. And it's okay to cry. I simply must continue to WALK BY FAITH!!